I am sick of this, Ty!" I yelled at the bottom of the staircase to my husband who was packing his suitcase and going on yet another "business trip". "You keep running away from it all. We have to talk about this. Please!"
I chased after him. "Tyler! Stop walking out on me. We have to get through this. Together!"
He through his suitcase in the back of his truck and turned to me with a scowl. "This isn't something you just 'get through'. I don't think I can handle this anymore, Claire. When I get to my hotel room in Tulsa, I'm calling up a lawyer. You'll get the divorce papers soon enough." And with those final words, he was gone.
Whenever life seems to go wrong we immediately blame God. We distance him from us and don't want anything to do with church, prayer, the Bible, worship. It all just makes us even angrier! How could such a loving father put his children through so much heartache?
I laid and cried on the kitchen floor. The cold, wet tile against my cheek held me down and would not allow my spirits to be lifted. I shouted angrily to God. "WHY?" I screamed and pounded my fists hard against the floor. "WHY AM I ALL ALONE?!" My sobs grew louder and louder. Finally, I heard a knock at my door. It was probably one of my neighbors complaining that I was crying too loud. I peeled myself off of the floor and ran to the front door. When I opened it, I was taken back when I saw a male police officer standing in front of me.
"Claire Burges?" His voice was sweeter than honey and his eyes were deeper than an ocean. He was tall. Very tall.
"Um. Yes?" I respond and wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. My mascara smeared. Great.
"I received a call from one of you neighbors saying they heard a lot of crying. They were concerned so I wanted to see everything is alright."
"HA! Concerned? No, they just wanted to send you over here to scare me into being quiet."
"Are you alright?"
"Yes," I lied. "I'm fine. I'll be more quiet, Officer. Sorry to disturb you." I was about to shut the door but he continued on.
"Are you alone?" His questioned stumped me. Why did he have to say that word exactly?
I sighed. "Yes. Trust me. I am completely alone."
He looked over his shoulder and then back at me. "Ma'am, may I come inside. It's protocol. I have to make sure that there is no one dangerous in here with you." I nodded and motioned him to come inside. I shut the door behind him and waited in the kitchen as he went from room to room. When he finally came back out, he said everything was clear. Obviously. "Sorry. Like I said, it's protocol."
"It's okay. Would you like some coffee? I was just about to make a fresh pot." I turned to the stove and started preparing it before he even answered. I turned back around and saw him grabbing napkins from the counter and kneeling down to wipe up a puddle. A puddle of my tears. "Oh no! You don't have to do that!"
He stood up and folded the now drenched napkin. He put it gently in his pant pocket. Now I was getting really confused. What kind of person does that? "How long has it been since you cried since now?" He asked softly.
I felt compelled to answer and to be honest for some reason. "A while."
He stepped closer and brushed his thumb along my cheek. It felt like an electric shock just shot through me. "I know." Was I imaging things or did I see tears forming in his eyes?
"How do you know that?" I asked however I wasn't frightened like I probably should have been.
"You're not alone, child." He whispered. "God is always here. Standing right before you sometimes."
Suddenly, the officers eyes turned dark but they were dark like a deep ocean. Something about it was comforting. "I'm here." He said but his lips didn't even move.
I jumped back. "How did you do that!" I screamed. "Who are you?" I knew I was getting hysterical but I didn't care. "Get away from me!"
"Daughter, I am God. "
I shook my head but he assured me he was telling the truth. "Prove it!" I yelled. "If you are God then why did my husband just left me? Why did my daughter die? Why am I in so much pain?"
"I'm sorry for your heartache, dear."
"You're sorry? YOU'RE sorry? That's easy for you to say when you aren't the one in pain!"
"Everything that happens to you, happens to me as well." He said softly and in a comforting tone. "I feel all of your pain and everyone else's pain in the world. You are all my children and when you are sad, I feel devastated. When you are happy, I feel delirious. When you are hurting, I am in excruciating pain."
I scuffed and rolled my eyes. "Yeah, you look like the typical depressed Joe." As soon as I said that a large blast knocked me to the ground and I was blinded by a bright light shining from the man in front of me.
"Daughter," His voice was booming now. "You think I do not experience your pain. But I do. Yours and everyone else. I will show you the scars I take on everyday. Just for you." His facial features started forming differently along with the rest of his body. Next thing I knew it was like a mirror was placed in front of me. But then I noticed all of the blood, sweat, and tears. All of the cuts, bullet holes, and bruises. "I" was covered head to toe in nothing but pain. The me standing before me spoke in the same booming voice as before, "Now do you see? I have been protecting you from so much. I have NEVER left your side. I have ALWAYS made sure you could handle what was given to you. You have NEVER been alone. Sometimes you may feel some pain. But that is okay because a little bit of pain just makes everyone stronger."
He looked deep into my eyes and said, "You don't realize how strong you are, do you?"
I sobbed even louder then I was before. "My child, I love you so much you will never be able to feel just how much that love is." He paused took a few steps closer to me and changed back to His original form He showed me. "Well, maybe just this once." He took me in his arms and I immediately felt an overwhelming amount of peace, joy, and love. So much love it was almost unbearable. I felt like I didn't deserve it. I started to cry on His shoulder. "I promise you everything is working out according to plan."
"My daughter." I sobbed and pulled away from his embrace gently. "Is she okay?" I didn't bother to ask why she had to go. I suddenly felt at peace with it. I missed her, of course but I trusted God's plan.
"Of course. We are really have a fun time with her up there. She looks just like you, my dear. But I have to go. I think someone will be coming to see you soon." Then I heard another knock at the door. I turned my head and then whipped it back around but He was already gone. I was suddenly gasping for air. The knock sounded again.
I ran to the front door, swinging it open, hopping it would be Him again. It wasn't. "This isn't over." Tyler said forcefully as he stood there at the thershold. "WE are not over." He pushed his way inside and slammed the door shut behind us. "God gave me you all those years ago and there is no way I am giving up now. We CAN work though this. We will pray. Get counseling. Anything it takes. I miss our baby girl, Claire. I miss her so much but I am not willing to let her death break us apart. Our love is stronger than that." His eyes softened and he hung his head low. "I'm sorry I was so weak to see that."
I took him in my arms and held him tightly to my heart. "Oh darling, you don't realize how strong you are, do you?"