I try not to think about you. It hurts too much. It has been a long time since I cried over you. The last time was the Sunday that you moved away. I was hoping to see you at church but you weren't there. I cried during the service and in the shower when I got home. I cried over you today. Why? Not because I love you so much that I just miss you and want to see you again. No. That is not it. It's because I start to think too much. My mind and heart are dangerous places for me. I just kept thinking about the past and then the present and it was very depressing for me.
I don't think you realized how deeply you hurt me. Forgot about anyone else in our family that say you disrespected them. This is just about me. You are constantly demeaning me, making my friends think terrible things about me, putting other people that you just met or never met above me, letting your friend threaten my life and not caring about it.
We were so close. I have very wonderful memories of you but anytime I think about you I cry because I just think about how I will never have that sister back. I just think about the awful things you have done to me over the past couple of years. I miss you, yes. I love you, of course. I would never directly hurt you, I want you to be happy, obviously. However, I want nothing to do with you. Not now. Not today. Maybe someday in a year or two or however long it takes. But I am not ready to welcome someone back in my life who doesn't think twice about shattering my heart into pieces. I don't want gifts, I don't want surprise visits. I want distance.
I forgive you but please leave me a lone for now. PLEASE! My heart cannot stand to go through this over and over again.
Hey guys! I know it has been a while since I last published something. Sorry about that. I'll be posting more soon.